My wife and I were married and following the honeymoon
, I thought I would lay down some rules.
– I’ll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want.
– I don’t expect any hassle from you.
– I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise.
– I’ll go drinking, hunting
, fishing, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want.
Those are my rules,” I said. “Any comments?”
My new bride replied, “No, that’s fine with me. But, just understand that there will be sex here at seven o’clock every night… whether you’re here or not.”
at a wedding reception, when the younger of the two boys, deep in thought, asks the other boy, “How many women can a man 
?” Right away the other boy answers, “
.”
…”
, in a somewhat mischievous mood, appeared between them and said, “You’ve been standing here for so long, staring right each other, I’m sure there are things you want to do. I’m going to give you a special gift. I’m going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes in which you can do anything you want.” And with a snap of his fingers the angel brought the statues to life.
down and I’ll crap on it’s head!”
and starts packing also. A bit angry the wife asks, “What the heck do you think you are doing!?” The husband replies, “I want to see how your going to live in 
on $1000 a year!”
late one night. Near the end of the night one guy turns to the other and with an exasperated tone says, “You know man, I don’t know what else to do. Whenever I go home after I’ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway, shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off outside, ease the door shut, and tip toe up stairs. I get undressed in the bathroom and 
into bed with the stealth of a ninja. Every time my wife wakes up throwing the covers, 
, and yells at me for staying out so late with my ‘idiot’ friends!”His buddy looks at him with a smirk and says, “Ahhh man, this is how I do it: I screech into the driveway, rev the car once in the garage, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my cold hands on my wife’s ass and say, ‘Hey good lookin’, how about a blowjob?’She’s 
every time!”