A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the engine of a Harley Davidson motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop. The mechanic shouted across the garage, “Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?”
The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, “So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, fix ’em, put ’em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?”
The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic… “Try doing it with the engine running”
I was taking my morning stroll on the beach when I noticed something shiney in the sand. Curious I went to investigate and dug it out of the sand. It was a very ornate gold container and as I was brushing the sand off, naturally, smoke starts spewing from the opening and a Genie appears. The Genie says, “You get one wish.” To which I replied, “I thought I got three?”
“That’s just a myth, now don’t push your luck and make your one wish.” He said.
I thought about it for a moment, looking out over the ocean and it came to me. With a grin I told the Genie, “I wish for a toll bridge from here to Hawaii and I want to collect all the tolls!”
The Genie frowned and said, “That is a tremendous amount of work! That is even harder than when I had to build all those pyramids. Can’t you think of something else?”
I thought for a little while, and being influenced by some recent troubles with my wife I said, “I want to understand women!”
To which the Genie responded, “Do you want two lanes or four?”
A few days after Christmas, A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train set in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son yell “All you sons of bitches who want to get off, get the hell off now, because this is the last stop! All of you sons of bitches that are getting on, get your asses in the train cause were leaving”. The mother went in and told her son, “we don’t use that kind of language in this house.” Now I want you to go into your room for two hours. When you come out, you can play with your train, but I don’t want to hear any bad language.
Two hours later, the son comes out of his room and continues playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard the son say, “All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your ride was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon. For those of you who are just boarding the train, we ask that you stow all of your hand luggage under the seat, remember there is no smoking except on the club car. We hope you have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today”.
“For those of you who are pissed off with the two hour delay , please see the bitch in the kitchen.”
Milan Train Station at Midnight by Stuck in Customs, on Flickr
One day a young Native American boy is helping his father make arrows. The boy seems deep in thought when he looks up and asks slowly, “Dad… where do children get their names?”
His father replies, “Well son, when the baby is born the father goes outside of the teepee for inspiration to name his child. Usually the first thing the father sees is what the baby is named after. Your brother is Soaring Eagle because that is what I noticed first. And your sister is Dancing Fawn, You see?”