Tag Archives: Life

handmade amish doll joke about a magic elevator

The Magic Elevator

Being Amish my son and I were visiting a mall for the first time. We were amazed by almost everything we saw, but especially by two shiny, silver doors that moved apart and back together again.

My son asked, “What is this, Father?” and having never been to a mall myself, I responded “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.”

We stood watching in amazement, watching wide-eyed. Just then an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving doors and pressed a button. The doors opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room and the doors closed behind her. My son and I watched as small numbered circles lit up above the doors. 1-2-3-2-1

The doors opened up again and a beautiful young woman stepped out. Immediately I said, “That’s incredible! Quick son, go get your mother!”

joke-two-statues-pigeon-revenge

What Would You Do?

joke-two-statues-pigeon-revenge
For many years, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other on the steps in front of a large court house building. Late one night an Angel, in a somewhat mischievous mood, appeared between them and said, “You’ve been standing here for so long, staring right each other, I’m sure there are things you want to do. I’m going to give you a special gift. I’m going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes in which you can do anything you want.” And with a snap of his fingers the angel brought the statues to life.

The two statues approached one another, each with a huge grin and dashed for the bushes. In a matter of moments there emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, with smiles from ear to ear.

“It’s only been fifteen minutes,” said the angel, winking at them, “You still have fifteen more.”

With an even bigger grin the female statue turned to the male statue and said, “Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I’ll crap on it’s head!”

A Joke About the Important Things in Life

A Philosophy professor sat at the front of her class and had some items on her desk. When the class began, silently she picked up a large empty pickle jar and filled it with golf balls. She then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. She shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. She then asked the students again if the jar was full. They again agreed it was.

The professor then picked up a bag of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. Now, said the professor, I want you to recognize that this is your life. The golf balls are the important things – your family, your partner, your health, your children – things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else. The small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical check-ups. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first – the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.

But then… A student then took the jar which the other students and the professor agreed was full, and proceeded to pour in a can of beer. Of course the beer filled the remaining spaces within the jar making the jar truly full. The moral of this tale is that no matter how full your life is, there is always room for BEER.