My wife and I were in Walmart the other day when I saw that they had an 18 pack of beer on sale for $9.97. Naturally I picked up a case and put it in the cart. Immediately my wife said, “What do you think you are doing? We don’t need that. Put it back!” With a sigh and a grumble under my breath I put the case of beer back on the shelf.
A few minutes later we were in the personal care isle when she puts a $20 bottle of face cream in the cart. “$20? What do you need that for?” “It’s my face cream, it makes me beautiful for you,” she responded. And I shot right back with…
“So does an 18 pack of beer, and it’s half the price!”
I was sitting in the bar one day after work, having a beer, when a man sits down beside me. The bartender finishes up drying a glass and comes over to ask the man what he’ll have.
“Four of your strongest drinks” the man answers. The bartender cocks his head a bit funny, but pours him the four drinks. The man downs them one after the other, bam, bam bam, bam.
“Woah buddy, everything alright?” I said and he responded, “Hey man, if you have what I have you would drink that fast too.” “What do you have?” the bartender asked.
I was sitting at the bar one day, having a beer after work, when I noticed a man a few stools down drowning his sorrows in a large glass of Scotch. Being the helpful and social guy that I am I said, “Hey buddy, you seem a little down.” “Just reminiscing about my lost career” he said back. “That sounds bad! What happened?” I inquired, thinking he could use some sympathy.
“Well, you know the cathedral down on 5th? I built that. But do they call me Roger the Cathedral Builder? Noooo”
“And do you know the bridge spanning the ravine just outside of town? I built that too and do they call me Roger the Bridge Builder? Noooppe.”
“The stadium downtown, I gave 3 years of my life to that one! You think they call me Roger the Stadium Builder? Not even close!”
A man comes home from a long day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television and turns on the game. Without hesitation he tells his wife, “Get me a beer before it starts.” The wife sighs and gets him a beer.
Fifteen minutes later he says, “Get me another beer before it starts.” She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him. He quickly finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, “Quick, get me another beer, it’s going to start any minute.” The wife is furious. She yells at him “Is that all you’re going to do tonight? Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? You’re nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob, and furthermore …”
One afternoon a man walks into a bar orders two beers and sits down at a booth. He quietly finishes the beers and leaves. This goes on for several days until the bartenders finally asks, “What’s with the two beers?” “Well,” the man answers, “recently my best buddy died so I drink a beer for him and one for me.”
This goes on for a couple of weeks until one day the man comes in and orders just one beer. “Why only one beer this time?” the bartender asks.
An older gentleman enters a small pub one day and finds himself a seat at the bar. A good looking blonde smiles at him cheerfully and asks, “What can I get you, Sugar?” “Just a beer please,” the man answers. As he quietly sips his beer, he notices a whiteboard on the wall behind the bar that reads:
Cheese Sandwich – $3
Ham and Cheese – $5
Hand Job – $10
A few minutes passes and he gets the attention of the very attractive bartender. “Are you the one that gives the hand jobs?” He asks. With a big grin and a seductive look she says, “Yeah, that’s me.”
“Ok, well why don’t you wash your hands and get me a cheese sandwich.”
A Philosophy professor sat at the front of her class and had some items on her desk. When the class began, silently she picked up a large empty pickle jar and filled it with golf balls. She then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. She shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. She then asked the students again if the jar was full. They again agreed it was.
The professor then picked up a bag of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. Now, said the professor, I want you to recognize that this is your life. The golf balls are the important things – your family, your partner, your health, your children – things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else. The small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical check-ups. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first – the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.
But then… A student then took the jar which the other students and the professor agreed was full, and proceeded to pour in a can of beer. Of course the beer filled the remaining spaces within the jar making the jar truly full. The moral of this tale is that no matter how full your life is, there is always room for BEER.