One day my wife was out, and it was just me and my daughter.
She was maybe two years old. Someone had given her a little ‘tea set’ as a gift, and it was one of her favorite toys.
I was in the living room engrossed in the game when she brought me a little cup of ‘tea’, which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my wife came home.
I made my wife wait in the living room to watch my daughter bring me a cup of tea, because it was ‘just the cutest thing!’ She waited, and sure enough, my daughter came down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy, and my wife watched me drink it up.
Then my wife said, “Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water, is the toilet?”
I was sitting at the bar one day, having a beer after work, when I noticed a man a few stools down drowning his sorrows in a large glass of Scotch. Being the helpful and social guy that I am I said, “Hey buddy, you seem a little down.” “Just reminiscing about my lost career” he said back. “That sounds bad! What happened?” I inquired, thinking he could use some sympathy.
“Well, you know the cathedral down on 5th? I built that. But do they call me Roger the Cathedral Builder? Noooo”
“And do you know the bridge spanning the ravine just outside of town? I built that too and do they call me Roger the Bridge Builder? Noooppe.”
“The stadium downtown, I gave 3 years of my life to that one! You think they call me Roger the Stadium Builder? Not even close!”
One morning in Sunday School the teacher was talking about heaven and asked the class if any of them knew anyone that has gone to heaven.
Billy raises his hand and says, “My Grandma went to heaven.” “Very good Billy” the teacher responds.
Suzy speaks up and says, “My dog just went to heaven, I miss him very much but I know he’s in a better place now.” the Sunday school teacher says, “Thanks Suzy for sharing. Anyone else?”
Little johnny raises his hand way up high. “Johnny?” the teacher asks. “The other day, my mom almost went to heaven.” Johnny says. “Ohh my, what do you mean Johnny?”
“Well, I woke up in the middle of the night to go get a drink of water. As I walked past my parents room I saw my mom in bed on her back, with her legs in the air and my dad was holding her down with all his might as she said over and over again, ‘Oh GOD I’m coming! Oh GOD I’m coming!'”