Bubba Watson found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon so he headed to the golf course. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in nine holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man, as he was golfing alone. Being a nice guy and not wanting to say no, he welcomed the old gent to join him.
To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn’t hit the golf ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn’t waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and Bubba Watson found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball – and directly between his ball and the green.
After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, “You know, when I was your age I’d hit the ball right over that tree.”
With that challenge placed before him, Bubba swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.
The old man offered one more comment, “Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only three feet tall.”
I was taking my morning stroll on the beach when I noticed something shiney in the sand. Curious I went to investigate and dug it out of the sand. It was a very ornate gold container and as I was brushing the sand off, naturally, smoke starts spewing from the opening and a Genie appears. The Genie says, “You get one wish.” To which I replied, “I thought I got three?”
“That’s just a myth, now don’t push your luck and make your one wish.” He said.
I thought about it for a moment, looking out over the ocean and it came to me. With a grin I told the Genie, “I wish for a toll bridge from here to Hawaii and I want to collect all the tolls!”
The Genie frowned and said, “That is a tremendous amount of work! That is even harder than when I had to build all those pyramids. Can’t you think of something else?”
I thought for a little while, and being influenced by some recent troubles with my wife I said, “I want to understand women!”
To which the Genie responded, “Do you want two lanes or four?”
A man comes home from work one day to find his wife in the bedroom packing. “Honey, what are you doing?” The man asks. the wife replies, “I was talking to a friend of mine today and she told me that in Las Vegas I can make $500 for what I give you for FREE!”The husband goes in to the closet to get a bag and starts packing also. A bit angry the wife asks, “What the heck do you think you are doing!?” The husband replies, “I want to see how your going to live in Vegas on $1000 a year!”
An older gentleman enters a small pub one day and finds himself a seat at the bar. A good looking blonde smiles at him cheerfully and asks, “What can I get you, Sugar?” “Just a beer please,” the man answers. As he quietly sips his beer, he notices a whiteboard on the wall behind the bar that reads:
Cheese Sandwich – $3
Ham and Cheese – $5
Hand Job – $10
A few minutes passes and he gets the attention of the very attractive bartender. “Are you the one that gives the hand jobs?” He asks. With a big grin and a seductive look she says, “Yeah, that’s me.”
“Ok, well why don’t you wash your hands and get me a cheese sandwich.”