Tag Archives: Drinking

Honeymoon couple on the beach drawing a sunscreen heart for marriage rules joke

These are my rules

Honeymoon couple on the beach drawing a sunscreen heart for marriage rules joke

My wife and I were married and following the honeymoon, I thought I would lay down some rules.
– I’ll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want.
– I don’t expect any hassle from you.
– I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise.
– I’ll go drinking, hunting, fishing, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want.

Those are my rules,” I said. “Any comments?”

My new bride replied, “No, that’s fine with me. But, just understand that there will be sex here at seven o’clock every night… whether you’re here or not.”

A Joke about being out late drinking

Two buddies are out drinking late one night. Near the end of the night one guy turns to the other and with an exasperated tone says, “You know man, I don’t know what else to do. Whenever I go home after I’ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway, shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off outside, ease the door shut, and tip toe up stairs. I get undressed in the bathroom and sneak into bed with the stealth of a ninja. Every time my wife wakes up throwing the covers, huffing and puffing, and yells at me for staying out so late with my ‘idiot’ friends!”His buddy looks at him with a smirk and says, “Ahhh man, this is how I do it: I screech into the driveway, rev the car once in the garage, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my cold hands on my wife’s ass and say, ‘Hey good lookin’, how about a blowjob?’She’s sound asleep every time!”