Tag Archives: blonde

Prove You’re Smart – Paint a Bedroom

A blonde woman decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to prove that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint their bedroom.

The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive odor of paint. He walks into the bedroom and finds his wife lying on the floor dripping sweat. She is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is ok. Yes, She replies. He asks what she is doing. She says that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the bedroom. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. Well, she starts, I was reading the directions on the paint can and they said:

FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.

Fun With Acronyms

A businessman walked toward an elevator in his building to head up to his office for the day. When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by reciting the letters, “T-G-I-F.”

He smiled at her and replied, “S-H-I-T.” She looked at him, puzzled, and said “T-G-I-F.”

He acknowledged her remark again by answering, “S-H-I-T.”

The blonde was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said, as sweetly as possible, “T-G-I-F” one more time.

The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a whimsical expression, “S-H-I-T.”

The blonde finally decided to explain things, and this time she said, “T-G-I-F, Thank Goodness It’s Friday, get it?”

The man answered, “S-H-I-T: Sorry Honey, It’s Thursday.”

Always Write Down the Important Things

One afternoon an old man sitting was sitting on a park bench alone, crying, when along came a police officer.

The officer stopped and with genuine concern asks the old man why he was so upset.

The sad old man replied, “Every morning I wake up with a wonderful 20 year old blonde. She cooks great meals including sausage, and bacon and everything I love. Then we make passionate love in bed. Afterwards, she gives me a bath where she pas attention to every detail. She then cooks me lunch, followed by more passionate love. In the evening, we finish off the day with a fantastic dinner and yet more wonderful love.”

The police officer gets a puzzled look on his face and says, “Well that sounds amazing, what seems to be the problem?”

The old man replied with frustration and defeat, “I can’t remember where I live!”

Your Position Matters

There were three pregnant friends having lunch and discussing their recent pre-natal exams. The first woman says, “The doctor asked me, in what position was the baby conceived?”

“He was on top “, I replied.
“You will have a boy!” The doctor exclaimed.

“The doctor asked me the same question,” the second woman says.

“I was on top,” I said.
“You will have a baby girl!” Said the doctor.

With this the third women, a blonde, burst into tears. “What’s the matter?” asked the her friends.

“Am I going to have puppies?”

The Knob

A middle aged blonde lady goes to her cosmetic surgeon to see what her options are concerning her rapidly sagging face. “We can give you an old-fashioned face-lift”, he says, “or we can use a new high-tech procedure called ‘The Knob'”.

“What’s ‘The Knob”, Doctor?”, she asks.

He replies, “It’s procedure where we install a knob under your hair on the back of your head We then connect it to the facial muscles which sag, and whenever you start to notice any new wrinkles and sagging, just tighten the knob a few turns and your skin will be nice and tight again.”

“Oh, YES, doctor! That is exactly what I would like to have”, she says excitedly. The operation is a complete success and she looks 15 years younger. As time passes, whenever she notices any new sagging, she simply tightens the knob and VOILA! Her
face is again beautiful.

One day about 8 years later she wakes up one morning and sees two very large bags under her eyes. Alarmed, she calls her doctor and reports the bags. “Come down to my office right away and let me check it out!” the doctor tells her.

After examining her, he says, “You’ve been tightening the knob WAY too much!!! Those bags under your eyes are your breasts”.

The lady sighs and says, “Well! I guess that explains the goatee!”

This Cheese Sandwich Tastes Funny

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An older gentleman enters a small pub one day and finds himself a seat at the bar. A good looking blonde smiles at him cheerfully and asks, “What can I get you, Sugar?” “Just a beer please,” the man answers. As he quietly sips his beer, he notices a whiteboard on the wall behind the bar that reads:

Cheese Sandwich – $3
Ham and Cheese – $5
Hand Job – $10

A few minutes passes and he gets the attention of the very attractive bartender. “Are you the one that gives the hand jobs?” He asks. With a big grin and a seductive look she says, “Yeah, that’s me.”

“Ok, well why don’t you wash your hands and get me a cheese sandwich.”