One afternoon an old man sitting was sitting on a park bench alone, crying, when along came a police officer.
The officer stopped and with genuine concern asks the old man why he was so upset.
The sad old man replied, “Every morning I wake up with a wonderful 20 year old blonde. She cooks great meals including sausage, and bacon and everything I love. Then we make passionate love in bed. Afterwards, she gives me a bath where she pas attention to every detail. She then cooks me lunch, followed by more passionate love. In the evening, we finish off the day with a fantastic dinner and yet more wonderful love.”
The police officer gets a puzzled look on his face and says, “Well that sounds amazing, what seems to be the problem?”
The old man replied with frustration and defeat, “I can’t remember where I live!”
A US special agent pulled up to a ranch house in Texas and talked with an older rancher. He told the rancher, “I need to search your ranch for an escaped fugitive we believe to be in the area.” The rancher said, “Okay no problem, but don’t go in that field over there…..”, as he pointed out the field.
The agent verbally exploded saying, “Sir, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!” Reaching into his coat pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. “See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish…. On any land !! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear……do you understand ?!!”
The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores as the agent headed straight out to the field. A short time later, the rancher heard a loud scream coming from the direction of the field. He looked up and saw the agent running for his life, being chased by the rancher’s big Texan Bull… With every step the bull was gaining ground on the agent, and it seemed likely that he’d sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs…..