Tag Archives: Teacher Jokes

Sunday School Slumber

April was not the best Sunday school student. She usually she slept through class, having partied the night before.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me, April, who created the universe?”

When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. “GOD ALMIGHTY!” shouted April and the teacher said, “Very good”. April fell back asleep in under a minute.

A while later the teacher again asked April, “Who is our Lord and Savior,” Again, April didn’t even stir from her slumber. Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ‘JESUS CHRIST!” shouted April and the teacher said, “very good,” and April fell back asleep.

Later on, the teacher asked April a third question, “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted,

“IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!”

Not in the barn yard

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A teacher in New York City wanted to see how many animals the city kids in her fourth-grade class could identify.

She drew a picture of a cow on the blackboard and said, “Who can tell me what this is?”

A little girl raised her hand.
“Yes, Janie, what do you think it is?”
“It’s a cow, teacher.”
“Very good, Janie,” said the teacher.

Then she drew a picture of a pig, and a little boy answered correctly. She drew several other barnyard animals and was unable to stump the class.

Finally, she decided to try something a little more difficult. She drew a stag with a large spread of antlers. The kids just stared, but nobody offered an answer.

“I’ll give you a hint,” said the teacher. “What does your mommy call your daddy when she’s trying to be ‘lovey-dovey’?”

Instantly, little Johnny raised his hand and said, –
“ooh, ooh!, I know, Teacher. It’s a big horny bastard!”

life saver candy asshole joke

You never know what flavor your going to get!

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One morning Ms. Fox was teaching her second grade class about flavor and color associations. To do this she was giving the students Lifesaver Candy. She gave all the kids the red ones, “Cherry” they all shouted. Then yellow ones, “Lemon” they said. And green ones, “Lime!”

Finally she gave them clear, honey flavored Lifesavers, but none of the students could guess. “I’ll give you a hint,” Ms. Fox said. “They are what your Mom might sometimes call your Dad.”

One little girl spits hers on the floor and says,

“Ewww, they’re assholes!”

black sheets bed set for sunday school joke about mom going to heaven

She almost went to heaven

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One morning in Sunday School the teacher was talking about heaven and asked the class if any of them knew anyone that has gone to heaven.

Billy raises his hand and says, “My Grandma went to heaven.” “Very good Billy” the teacher responds.

Suzy speaks up and says, “My dog just went to heaven, I miss him very much but I know he’s in a better place now.” the Sunday school teacher says, “Thanks Suzy for sharing. Anyone else?”

Little johnny raises his hand way up high. “Johnny?” the teacher asks. “The other day, my mom almost went to heaven.” Johnny says. “Ohh my, what do you mean Johnny?”

“Well, I woke up in the middle of the night to go get a drink of water. As I walked past my parents room I saw my mom in bed on her back, with her legs in the air and my dad was holding her down with all his might as she said over and over again, ‘Oh GOD I’m coming! Oh GOD I’m coming!'”

black sheets bed set for sunday school joke about mom going to heaven

A Joke About the Important Things in Life

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A Philosophy professor sat at the front of her class and had some items on her desk. When the class began, silently she picked up a large empty pickle jar and filled it with golf balls. She then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. She shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. She then asked the students again if the jar was full. They again agreed it was.

The professor then picked up a bag of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. Now, said the professor, I want you to recognize that this is your life. The golf balls are the important things – your family, your partner, your health, your children – things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else. The small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical check-ups. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first – the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.

But then… A student then took the jar which the other students and the professor agreed was full, and proceeded to pour in a can of beer. Of course the beer filled the remaining spaces within the jar making the jar truly full. The moral of this tale is that no matter how full your life is, there is always room for BEER.