Tag Archives: cow

Not in the barn yard

A teacher in New York City wanted to see how many animals the city kids in her fourth-grade class could identify.

She drew a picture of a cow on the blackboard and said, “Who can tell me what this is?”

A little girl raised her hand.
“Yes, Janie, what do you think it is?”
“It’s a cow, teacher.”
“Very good, Janie,” said the teacher.

Then she drew a picture of a pig, and a little boy answered correctly. She drew several other barnyard animals and was unable to stump the class.

Finally, she decided to try something a little more difficult. She drew a stag with a large spread of antlers. The kids just stared, but nobody offered an answer.

“I’ll give you a hint,” said the teacher. “What does your mommy call your daddy when she’s trying to be ‘lovey-dovey’?”

Instantly, little Johnny raised his hand and said, –
“ooh, ooh!, I know, Teacher. It’s a big horny bastard!”

everyone poops 410 pounds a year joke airplane conversation you don't know shit

Everybody Poops

A stranger was seated next to me on the plane. Shortly after the plane took off the stranger turned to the me and said, “Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”I had just opened my book, so I closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, “What would you like to discuss?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” said the stranger. “How about nuclear power?”

“OK,” I said, “That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. “A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?”

“Jeez,” said the stranger. “I have no idea.”

“Well, then,” I replied, “How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don’t know shit?”