Tag Archives: Lawyer Jokes

Drugs are Bad, UmmmmK

Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court on Friday before the judge.

The judge said, “You seem like nice young men, and I’d like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I’ll see you back in court Monday.”

Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the 1st one, “How did you do over the weekend?”

“Well, your honor, I persuaded 7 people to give up drugs forever.”
“7 people? That’s wonderful. What did you tell them?”
“I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this…


…and told them, ‘The big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs.'”

“That’s admirable,” said the judge. “And you, how did you do?”, he asked the second boy.

“Well, your honor, I persuaded 126 people to give up drugs forever.”
“126 people! That’s amazing! How did you manage to do that?!?”,
“Well, I used a similar approach. (draws two circles)


I said (pointing to the small circle) “this is your asshole before prison, …”

How full is your cup?

One of the senior legal assistants of a large law firm was tasked everyday with getting the head partner coffee. Every morning the assistant made coffee in the lawyers favorite mug, but by the time he made it to his office, after the bumps and spills, the mug was only two-thirds full. Every morning the lawyer was enraged that his coffee wasn’t full and yelled tirelessly at the assistant, insulting everything about him.
One morning the lawyer was in an extra bad mood as the assistant entered the his office with the ‘almost’ full cup of coffee and the lawyer laid into him, threatening his job if he didn’t start delivering full cups of coffee.
The next morning the lawyer was greeted with a hot cup of coffee that was full to the brim. The lawyer took the coffee with a smirk and sent the assistant out with no yelling for the first time in weeks! As he passed one of the paralegals in the hall, the paralegal asked the assistant how he did it.
“Oh, there’s not much to it,” admitted the assistant happily, “I took a big drink of coffee in the coffee room, and spit it back in the cup just outside his office.”