Tag Archives: coffee

He found his sex drive alright!

A woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her Husband’s sex drive.

‘What about trying Viagra?’ asks the doctor.

‘That’s not the problem,’ says Mrs. Smith. ‘He just doesn’t seem interested in sex anymore.’

‘No problem, I’ve got something else he can take’ replies the doctor. ‘Drop it into his coffee, he won’t even taste it. Try it and come back in a week to let me know how it worked.’

A week later Mrs. Smith returns to the doctor and he asks as to how things went.

‘Oh it was terrible, just terrible doctor.’

‘What happened?’ asks the doctor.

‘Well I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee. The effect was immediate. He jumped straight up, swept everything off the table, at the same time ripping my clothes off and then proceeded to make wild passionate love to me on the tabletop. It was terrible!’

‘What was terrible?’ said the doctor, ‘Was the sex not good?’

‘Oh no doctor, the sex was the best I’ve had in 15 years… but I’ll never be able to show my face in that IHOP again!’

Time it to the music

I was in the coffee shop the other day reading a book and sipping my Grande coffee in a venti cup with 2 pumps hazelnut, 2 pumps vanilla, 2 pumps caramel, 2 equals and 4 sweet and lows filled to the top with cream, with extra cream on the side, double cupped with no sleeve, and a stir stick, when suddenly I had a great need to pass gas. I certainly didn’t want anyone to know it was me and fortunately the music was fairly loud, so I timed my farts with the beat of the music and by the end of the song I felt much better. However, I looked up to see everyone in the store staring right at me.

That is when I realized I was listening to my iPod!

How full is your cup?

One of the senior legal assistants of a large law firm was tasked everyday with getting the head partner coffee. Every morning the assistant made coffee in the lawyers favorite mug, but by the time he made it to his office, after the bumps and spills, the mug was only two-thirds full. Every morning the lawyer was enraged that his coffee wasn’t full and yelled tirelessly at the assistant, insulting everything about him.
One morning the lawyer was in an extra bad mood as the assistant entered the his office with the ‘almost’ full cup of coffee and the lawyer laid into him, threatening his job if he didn’t start delivering full cups of coffee.
The next morning the lawyer was greeted with a hot cup of coffee that was full to the brim. The lawyer took the coffee with a smirk and sent the assistant out with no yelling for the first time in weeks! As he passed one of the paralegals in the hall, the paralegal asked the assistant how he did it.
“Oh, there’s not much to it,” admitted the assistant happily, “I took a big drink of coffee in the coffee room, and spit it back in the cup just outside his office.”