Joe gets home late one night and his wife immediately gets on his case. “Where in the hell have you been?” She says.
“Chill out” He replies, “I was out getting a tattoo.”
“A tattoo?” she frowned. “What kind of tattoo did you get?”
“I got a hundred dollar bill on my johnson,” he said proudly.
“What the hell were you thinking?” she said, shaking her head, “Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his dick?”
“Well, I was thinking; I like to play with my money, I like to watch my money grow, I like the feel of money in my hand. And lastly, instead of going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want!”
An accountant decided to leave his wife one day, so he leaves her a note saying:
“Dear Sarah, I am 54 years old and I have never done anything wild. So I’m leaving you for an 18 year old blonde model. We’ll be staying at the Sheraton.”
He then packed his things and went there. When he arrived at the Sheraton, there was a message for him from his wife. It read:
“Dear Mike. I too am 54 years old. I have followed your example and am staying at the Hilton with an 18 year old Italian hunk. And I’m sure that you, as an accountant, will appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many many more times than 54 goes into 18!”