Tag Archives: dick

The hundred dollar tattoo

Joe gets home late one night and his wife immediately gets on his case. “Where in the hell have you been?” She says.

“Chill out” He replies, “I was out getting a tattoo.”

“A tattoo?” she frowned. “What kind of tattoo did you get?”

“I got a hundred dollar bill on my johnson,” he said proudly.

“What the hell were you thinking?” she said, shaking her head, “Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his dick?”

“Well, I was thinking; I like to play with my money, I like to watch my money grow,  I like the feel of money in my hand. And lastly, instead of going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want!”

Christmas Cop Jokes About Johnny’s Bike

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his brand new bike.

The cop says to the kid, “Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?”

The kid says, “Yeah, he did.”

The cop says, “Well, next year tell Santa to put a reflector on that bike.” The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 ticket for a bicycle safety violation.

The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, “By the way, that’s a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?”

Humoring the kid, the cop jokes, “Yeah, he sure did.” The kid says, “Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top.”