Tag Archives: gas

Time it to the music

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I was in the coffee shop the other day reading a book and sipping my Grande coffee in a venti cup with 2 pumps hazelnut, 2 pumps vanilla, 2 pumps caramel, 2 equals and 4 sweet and lows filled to the top with cream, with extra cream on the side, double cupped with no sleeve, and a stir stick, when suddenly I had a great need to pass gas. I certainly didn’t want anyone to know it was me and fortunately the music was fairly loud, so I timed my farts with the beat of the music and by the end of the song I felt much better. However, I looked up to see everyone in the store staring right at me.

That is when I realized I was listening to my iPod!

amazon package golf tees joke about Cadillac

Where do you put your balls?

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A man and his wife were driving through country on his way from Florida to California. Looking at his fuel gauge, he decided to stop at the next gasoline station and fill up. About 15 minutes later, he spots a station and pulls over to the high octane pump.

“What can I do for y’all?” asks the attendant. “Fill `er up with high test,” replies the driver. While the attendant is filling up the tank, he’s looking the car up and down. “What kinda car is this?” he asks. “I never seen one like it before.” “Well,” responds the driver, his chest swelling up with pride, “this, my boy is a 2009 Cadillac CTS-V.”

“What all’s it got in it?” asks the attendant. “Well,” says the driver, “it has everything. It’s loaded with power steering, power seats, power sun roof, power mirrors, 10 deck CD Player with 100 watts per channel, 8 speaker stereo, rack and pinion steering, disk brakes all around, leather interior, digital instrument package, and best of all, a 8.8 liter V12 engine!”

“Wow,” says the attendant, “that’s really something!” “How much do I owe you for the gasoline?” asks the driver. “That’ll be $70.17,” says the attendant.

The driver pulls out his money clip and peels off three $20’s and a $10. He goes into his other pocket and pulls out a handful of change. Mixed up with the change are a few golf tees. “What are those little wooden things?” asks the attendant. “Those are what I put my balls on when I drive,” says the driver. “Wow,” says the attendant, “those Cadillac people think of everything!”