Tag Archives: Eggs

Morning Sex, It’s All About The Timing!

My wife was standing in the kitchen preparing our usual eggs, bacon, and toast for breakfast and wearing only the t-shirt that she normally sleeps in. As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said in a hurried tone, “You’ve got to make love to me this very moment!”

My eyes opened wide as I thought, “either I’m still dreaming or this is going to be a great day!” Not being one to argue with my wife about morning sex, I embraced her and gave it my all, right there on the kitchen counter.

Afterward she said, “Thanks,” straightened her shirt and returned to the stove and took the eggs out of the pan.

Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, “What was that all about?”

She set my plate on the table and said matter-of-factly, “Oh, the egg timer is broken.”

Back Seat Cooker

One morning a wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. ‘Careful,’ he said, ‘CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up!

Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!’

The wife stared at him. ‘What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?’

The husband calmly replied, ‘I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.’

kids that think they found the easter bunny and hes laying chocolate eggs

Easter Jokes

A few Easter one-liners for evey one today.

kids that think they found the easter bunny and hes laying chocolate eggs
Why did the easter egg hide?
He was a little chicken!

Why shouldn’t you tell an Easter egg a joke?
It might crack up!

How did the Easter Bunny rate the Easter parade?
He said it was eggs-cellent!

What’s the best way to send a letter to the Easter Bunny?
Hare mail!

What is the Easter Bunny’s favourite state capital?
Albunny, New York!

What did the rabbit say to the carrot before he left?
It’s been nice gnawing you!

How does a rabbit keep his fur looking good?
With hare spray!

Where does the Easter Bunny go when he needs a new tail?
To a re-tail store!

What would you get if you crossed the Easter Bunny with an overstressed person?
An Easter basket case!