Tag Archives: Doctor Jokes

The Knob

A middle aged blonde lady goes to her cosmetic surgeon to see what her options are concerning her rapidly sagging face. “We can give you an old-fashioned face-lift”, he says, “or we can use a new high-tech procedure called ‘The Knob'”.

“What’s ‘The Knob”, Doctor?”, she asks.

He replies, “It’s procedure where we install a knob under your hair on the back of your head We then connect it to the facial muscles which sag, and whenever you start to notice any new wrinkles and sagging, just tighten the knob a few turns and your skin will be nice and tight again.”

“Oh, YES, doctor! That is exactly what I would like to have”, she says excitedly. The operation is a complete success and she looks 15 years younger. As time passes, whenever she notices any new sagging, she simply tightens the knob and VOILA! Her
face is again beautiful.

One day about 8 years later she wakes up one morning and sees two very large bags under her eyes. Alarmed, she calls her doctor and reports the bags. “Come down to my office right away and let me check it out!” the doctor tells her.

After examining her, he says, “You’ve been tightening the knob WAY too much!!! Those bags under your eyes are your breasts”.

The lady sighs and says, “Well! I guess that explains the goatee!”

What are you in for?

Two little boys, Billy and Tommy, were sitting in the hospital waiting room anxious about what was about to happen. As they were talking nervously to each other, Billy eventually asked, “Hey Tommy, what’re you in here for?”

“I’m getting my tonsils out today, I’m a little worried,” said Tommy.

“Oh that’s no big deal. I had my tonsils out last year and it was a great! I got to eat all the ice cream and Jell-O I wanted for two weeks!”

“Oh yeah?” replied Tommy. “That doesn’t sound so bad. What are you here for Billy?”

“I’m getting a circumcision, whatever that is,” Billy answered.

“Oh my GOD, circumcision? I got one of those when I was a baby and I couldn’t walk for almost two years!”

Old People Jokes Forgot the Whipped Cream

An 80 year old couple was having problems remembering things and finally the wife says, “We’re getting to be the butt of Old People Jokes, maybe we should get a check up.” So they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them.

When they arrived at the doctors, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, he tells them that they were physically okay, but, the doctor jokes, “You might want to start writing things down and make notes to help remember things.”

The couple thanked the doctor and left. Later that night while watching TV, the man got up from his chair and his wife asked, “Where are you going?” He replied, “To the kitchen.” She asked, “Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?” He replied, “Sure.” She then asked him, “Don’t you think you should write it down so you can remember it?” He said, “No, I can remember that.”

She then said, “Well I would also like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down because I know you’ll forget that.” He said, “I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.” She replied, “Well I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down.”

With irritation in his voice, he said, “I don’t need to write that down! I can remember that.” He then fumes into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a moment and said angrily: “I TOLD you to write it down! You forgot my toast!”