Tag Archives: golf

Never Lose Your Balls

A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, when a salesman runs up to him and yells, “Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!”
The golfer, annoyed, says, “What is it?”
“It’s a special golf ball,” says the salesman. “You can never lose it!”

“Whattaya mean,” scoffs the golfer, “you can never lose it? What if you hit it into the water?”
“No problem,” says the salesman. “It floats, and it detects where the shore is, and spins towards it.”

“Well, what if you hit it into the woods?”
“Easy,” says the salesman. “It emits a beeping sound, and you can find it with your eyes closed.”

“Okay,” says the golfer, impressed. “But what if your round goes late and it gets dark?”
“No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the dark! I’m telling you, you can never lose this golf ball!”

The golfer buys it at once. “Just one question,” he says to the salesman. “Where did you get it?”
“I found it.”

Bubba Watson vs Stevie Wonder Golf Joke Image of Visor

Bubba Watson vs Stevie Wonder

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Stevie Wonder and Bubba Watson cross paths at a fund raiser. Bubba Watson turns to Stevie Wonder and asks, “How’s the singing career going” Steve Wonder replies, “Not too bad! How’s the golf” Bubba Watson replies, “Not too bad. I’ve had some problems with my swing, but I think I’ve got that right now.” Steve Wonder says, “I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right.”

Bubba Watson says, “You play golf?”  “Oh, yes, I’ve been playing for years.” Stevie Wonder says.

And Bubba Watson asks, “But, you’re blind. How can you play golf if you’re blind”

Steve Wonder replies, “I get my caddie to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddie moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice.”

“But, how do you putt” asks Bubba Watson.

“Well,” replies Steve Wonder, “I get my caddie to lean down in front of the hold and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his voice.”

Bubba Watson then asks, “What’s your handicap”

Steve Wonder says, “Well, I’m a scratch golfer.”

Bubba Watson, incredulous, says to Steve Wonder, “We’ve got to play a round sometime.”

Steve Wonder replies, “Well, people don’t take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less then $10,000 a hole.”

Bubba Watson thinks about it and says, “OK, I’m game for that. When would you like to play”

Steve Wonder says, “Pick a night!”

joke bubba watson playing golf with an older man

Bubba Watson and the Older Man

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Bubba Watson found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon so he headed to the golf course. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in nine holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man, as he was golfing alone. Being a nice guy and not wanting to say no, he welcomed the old gent to join him.

To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn’t hit the golf ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn’t waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and Bubba Watson found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball – and directly between his ball and the green.

After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, “You know, when I was your age I’d hit the ball right over that tree.”

With that challenge placed before him, Bubba swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.

The old man offered one more comment, “Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only three feet tall.”

amazon package golf tees joke about Cadillac

Where do you put your balls?

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A man and his wife were driving through country on his way from Florida to California. Looking at his fuel gauge, he decided to stop at the next gasoline station and fill up. About 15 minutes later, he spots a station and pulls over to the high octane pump.

“What can I do for y’all?” asks the attendant. “Fill `er up with high test,” replies the driver. While the attendant is filling up the tank, he’s looking the car up and down. “What kinda car is this?” he asks. “I never seen one like it before.” “Well,” responds the driver, his chest swelling up with pride, “this, my boy is a 2009 Cadillac CTS-V.”

“What all’s it got in it?” asks the attendant. “Well,” says the driver, “it has everything. It’s loaded with power steering, power seats, power sun roof, power mirrors, 10 deck CD Player with 100 watts per channel, 8 speaker stereo, rack and pinion steering, disk brakes all around, leather interior, digital instrument package, and best of all, a 8.8 liter V12 engine!”

“Wow,” says the attendant, “that’s really something!” “How much do I owe you for the gasoline?” asks the driver. “That’ll be $70.17,” says the attendant.

The driver pulls out his money clip and peels off three $20’s and a $10. He goes into his other pocket and pulls out a handful of change. Mixed up with the change are a few golf tees. “What are those little wooden things?” asks the attendant. “Those are what I put my balls on when I drive,” says the driver. “Wow,” says the attendant, “those Cadillac people think of everything!”